It’s all very well saying that we need to embrace our true selves, be authentic, love ourselves etc but how is that done when your default mode is always being who you think other people want you to be.
To a large extent it’s about ones own personal comfort zone, asking yourself some uncomfortable questions. These are some of the questions I began asking myself…Did I ever love myself? When did I decide to become a cameleon? Why am I keeping others from seeing the real me? What are the negative stories I am telling myself etc. Write down your answers, ponder upon them until you are sure you have been completely honest with yourself. You may find this very emotional and hard but push through, take a break if needs be, but go back to it.
Having faced some hard truths, you can begin to follow a few small practices to create a transformation in your belief patterns. Again here are some things I tried on my journey. Start with letting go of guilt. Learn to forgive yourself, there is no such thing as perfection, believe that you have always done your best. Put an immediate stop to the self criticism, become very aware of your self talk. Let go of what you can’t control such as what people think of you, or expect from you. Be responsible for your own actions and intentions. Talk positively to yourself when you pass a mirror, tell yourself how lovely you look, praise yourself when you complete a task of any size, positivity grows positivity.
As small as those little acts seem, you will begin to sense a shift in how you feel about yourself. At this point start to get curious about yourself, instead of looking to others for validation. Become familiar with who you know you are, rather than being the person others want you to be.
If you have always been a people pleaser you are going to find this a bit hard, but once done a very worthwhile journey. Along the way you will find that some people will be unhappy with the real you, don’t allow them to stop you, it is purely because you being the way they have always known you, suits them. You will quickly realise it no longer serves you, and that you instinctively feel better for being your authentic self. For every one who dislikes the change there will always be others who accept the new you, these are the people you want around you, people on your wave length, who are like minded, take you up and make you feel good about yourself.
Buy into your emotions, don’t be afraid of them, accept them, make them completely yours. They are afterall part of what makes you, you. They do not take away from anyone elses experiences of the world, however, they do add a tremendous amount to your wellbeing. By welcoming them they enhance your compassion towards others. Included in the acceptance of your emotions is the willingness to show your vulneralbility. Show your fears, hopes, disappointments, mistakes etc. it lets people know who you really are, that you are not a composite of all the people around you.
Make space in you life just for you. Do the things that bring you joy, things that you are passionate about. If you have been running on autopilot for so long that you have forgotten what your passions are, this is where you start to rediscover yourself and what it is that really motivates and fulfills you. Welcome to you.
Thank you for reading this blog, I truly appreciate it and hope you have learned something of value. If you made it this far you might like to follow me on Facebook where I post similar content, and connect with like minded people. I would love to have some feed back so please feel free to get in touch at carol@carolcassar.com
